Damn It Bill
Last weekend a buddy and I were working on my old red truck when there was an unfortunate turn of events. My buddy, Richard, got a phone call from his neighbor. It went something like this.
RING RING
Richard, “Hello?”
Bill, “Hey there Richard.”
Richard, “What's up Bill?”
Bill, “Ohhh not too much.”
Richard “Okay.”
Bill “Are you at home?
Richard, “No, I'm in town helping a buddy work on his truck.”
Bill, “Well how’s that going?”
Richard, “Pretty good”
Bill, “Ohhh okay.”
Richard, “Well what’d you call me for Bill?”
Bill, “Ohhh well I was just calling to let you know your Kubota is on fire.”
Richard, “WELL GO PUT IT OUT BILL!”
CLICK
We left tools strewn everywhere and hauled ass across town back to Richard's house just as fast as that 29-year-old 7.3 would carry us, which is not very fast mind you, I'm quite sure we never did get above the speed limit the entire trip. Luckily there were other neighbors than just Bill. There were a couple pasty, pie boy college kids that also saw the fire, (it's kinda hard to miss a 2,000 lb diesel powered Kubota side by side up in flames 30 yards from your front door). Thankfully one of them had enough sense to quit taking snapchat videos just long enough to call the fire department. Now I'm a big believer in only calling the fire department if it's an absolute necessity, partially not wanting to bother them because there might be a worse fire somewhere else, partially some misplaced sense of pride and overconfidence. It was probably worth it this time though, there were too many mobile homes in close proximity, and it was bad windy.
The night before, Richard had a small campfire and a couple friends over. When the night ended, he walked down to the pond and drew a five-gallon bucket of water and dumped it on the fire, which is already going above and beyond 99% of the time. The next morning on his way to help me work on my truck, he noticed the fire was still smoking so he dumped another five gallons of water on it. I’d say he did his due diligence. Mother nature would have begged to differ. Humidity was extremely low and it was quite windy Saturday. The best we could figure, the wind blew leaves and pine straw into the fire pit where they lit from the coals, and back out, catching the surrounding area on fire. The Kubota was used to carry firewood the night before and was parked in close proximity. You get the picture.
I’m usually pretty slow to say luck was involved in the outcome of something, good or bad. I'm also pretty sure this was some bad luck. Yes, the Kubota should have been bubble wrapped and returned to its parking spot a safe distance from the fire the night before. Sure, he could have dumped 15 gallons of water on it instead of 10. Sure, the fire pit itself could have been of better construction than just concrete pavers in a circle. You can only do so much though within reason.
I think there's a bigger lesson here than just constant prevention of potential ever looming disasters. If that Kubota didn’t catch on fire, then a tree would have fell on it. And if a tree didn't fall on it then someone would have stolen it. Even the highest quality, “it’ll run for another 30 years” stuff doesn't last forever. The easiest way to not have your Kubota burn up is to not have a Kubota. And the easiest way to not waste your entire Saturday working on a truck is to not have three trucks. I mean, just counting stuff I've got with wheels, I take up 9 parking spots by myself. That's about as materialistic as it gets. Between time in maintenance, and what it costs just to keep decent tires and a working battery on everything, well, it'll make you consider downsizing the fleet, that's for sure.
I'm not saying you should sell your house and live in a hotel room, but I definitely wouldn't recommend buying a $10,000 lawn mower if you can pay some kid down the street $75 to cut your grass five times a year. I'm saying don't own a lake house if you only stay there twice a year, that's what Airbnb is for. I'm talking to myself more than anything now, I’ve got five vehicles and only two of them are highway safe. Maybe it does make sense to keep that $6,500 Kubota utv, but can you get the job done with a $900 four-wheeler? Or just walk the trash can that already has wheels on it 150 yards down to the road yourself. Liquidate some underutilized asset to pay for the next vacation or help expedite that retirement account. Unless it's a firearm or cast iron, it likely won't see the next century anyway. Come to think of it, chances are, you won't either. Isaiah 40:8 reads, "The grass withers and the flower fades but the word of God abides forever". That reminds me, I probably should insure my boat.
We still haven't heard from Bill. Somehow, I can very vividly picture him out there fanning the flame.
By: Benjamin Smith